Who Stole My Lipstick?
by knivespast
Summary: Complete and utter crack!  Not set in any particular timeline.  But it features Anakin Solo in a kilt, Tahiri Veila in a Wonder Woman outfit, Mara Jade dressed as Xena, Tenel Ka in a bikini, Han Solo as a scientist, and more...


_Star Wars_ is not my sandbox. I'm just playing in it.

This story came about as a result of a challenge. The criteria are as follows:  
>1. Anakin Solo in a kilt.<br>2. Tahiri Veila in a Wonder Woman outfit.  
>3. Mara Jade dressed as Xena.<br>4. Tenel Ka in a bikini.  
>5. Han Solo as a scientist.<p>

**WHO STOLE MY LIPSTICK?**

"Hey! Wait for me!" Tenel Ka yelled. The girl ran after her classmates, red braids flying behind her.

"Yes, you don't want to be left behind. That could put you in grave danger," the tall boy said. Tenel Ka looked up at him with uncertainty. Palpy wasn't like the others; he didn't feel right. But he was in charge, so Tenel Ka had to listen to him. She bounded up the steps of the hoverbus and found a seat.

The hoverbus lurched away from the front entrance of the Coruscanti Mall. It had nearly reached the ramp to merge with the space lanes when a shrill voice rang out.

"Stop! Wait! I can't find it," little Leia Organa cried.

"What can't you find? Your sense of the Force?" Palpy asked calmly.

"No, my new lipstick. I had it a minute ago." Leia's big brown eyes filled with tears. "It was bright and shiny red, but kinda orange. It was really pretty."

"Just...lipstick? That's...girl stuff," Darth Vader wheezed. He had asthma, and usually had to gasp for air when he spoke. The other kids used to pick on him because of his breathing problems, so Darth had taken to wearing a black bucket on his head. He'd cut out eye-holes so that he could see. To further hide his insecurities, Darth became the class bully.

Leia stuck her tongue out at Darth. She wasn't afraid of him. When Darth merely sneered in response, Leia kicked him in the shin. The eyes in the bucket narrowed to slits, but Darth didn't aggravate her further.

"Okay, okay, we'll go back in and look for it. But I want you kids to stay out of trouble. Is that understood?" Palpy said. When the children nodded, Palpy allowed them to exit the hoverbus.

Immediately upon entering the Coruscanti Mall, Anakin Solo noticed a store that hadn't been there fifteen minutes earlier. He gravitated towards it like a ship caught in a tractor beam. It wasn't the store itself that captured Anakin's attention, but the costume hanging in the front window. He thought his best friend, Tahiri, would look wonderful in it. _Well, maybe not wonderful, but different_, he amended silently.

"Intergalactic House of Fashions," Tahiri said, coming up behind him. The glint in her eyes suggested that she knew what he'd been thinking. Grabbing Anakin's hand, Tahiri pulled him inside.

"Are you sure about this?" Mara Jade asked, looking at the costume in her hands. It was a dark leather dress, complete with matching boots.

"Yes. Now go change. It'll be funny," Luke Skywalker answered.

Ten minutes later, Mara emerged from the dressing room. She was not happy. The dress was tight, and it bunched up in strange places. The boots were too small, and pinched Mara's feet. But the worst part - as far as Mara was concerned - was the ridiculous black wig that came with it.

"You look like Tenel Ka!" Luke shrieked gleefully.

"Then you should be thankful these are only plastic!" Mara retorted, holding up two gray disks.

"What're those?" Luke asked.

"Weapons," Mara replied.

"Oh." Luke visibly paled at Mara's revelation. Any further reaction he might have had was squelched by a bright flash of light.

Elsewhere in the store, Tenel Ka was being drawn to a clothes rack full of the previous year's swimwear. She didn't think she'd find anything interesting. Yet, from the moment she saw it, Tenel Ka knew she had to try it on. She glanced around quickly. Not seeing anyone, she ducked into a nearby dressing room.

"It was an itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie, yellow, polka-dot bikini that she wore for the first time today," the store clerk muttered. "Hmm, yes." He'd seen the Dathomiri girl eyeing the swimsuit. While she was eager to try it on, Yoda knew she'd never buy it. A bright flash of light ended his musing, and Yoda returned to work.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Anakin Solo mumbled.

"I heard that!" Tahiri Veila yelled from dressing room next to his. "Are you ready yet?"

"Yes."

"Good. We'll come out on three. One, two, three!" Tahiri opened her dressing room door, and she turned to face her best friend.

Anakin stared at Tahiri, his mouth hanging open. She was wearing the costume he'd seen earlier. The hideous red, white, and blue ensemble was almost too much for him to bear. Then, Anakin remembered his own outfit. The only way he'd been able to convince Tahiri to try on the costume was if she'd been allowed to pick out something equally silly for him to wear. Tahiri had chosen for him a garish, red plaid kilt native to a rimward planet.

Tahiri giggled as Anakin threw his arm around her shoulders, and he began kicking up his knees in a poor rendition of the Corellian Can-Can. They were halfway through their dance when a bright flash of light startled them out of their antics.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Han Solo said, donning a white lab-coat.

Chewie growled something, effectively suggesting his doubt in Han's project.

"I just want to throw together a couple of chemicals. I've done it before; nothing bad has ever happened," Han reasoned. He opened various vials, measured chemicals into test tubes, and examined different powders. Using the large beaker in front of him as a mixing bowl, Han carefully poured in a clear blue liquid from a strange vial. He hadn't noticed it when he'd picked out his chemicals, but he didn't care. Han didn't know what it was, or what it did, but he chose to use it anyway.

The resulting explosion created a fantastic flash. Han started to comment on it when he noticed Chewie standing on the other side of the table. He was covered with a light blue foam that quickly dissipated into his fur.

Apparently, the blue foam created some kind of itching compound, because Chewie began to scratch himself furiously. He glared at Han, then attacked a particularly bothersome itch between his shoulder blades.

Palpy used the flash of Han's explosion to call his charges to attention. He swiftly herded them back to the hoverbus, all the while thinking evil thoughts. _Oh my, what a day I've had! I've single-handedly managed to capture holos of Anakin Solo in a kilt, Tahiri Veila in a Wonder Woman costume, and Tenel Ka in a bikini. I convinced Luke to convince Mara to put on a Xena costume, and I gave the Wookie fleas! I bet Han Solo will never play scientist again. All because I stole little Leia Organa's lipstick! I need a nap_.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed my semi-random silliness. The song "Itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie, yellow, polka-dot bikini" was actually performed by Brian Hyland, not Yoda.


End file.
